


Demonic Pressures

by MrsMoosie



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 1950s, Angst, Episode 3, Historically Accurate (Doubtful...), M/M, Plotless, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsMoosie/pseuds/MrsMoosie
Summary: Crowley arranges a meeting in 1952 with Aziraphale at St. James’ Park. His confidence has been lacking. He’s confused, helpless, needs assurance he’s important and his existence means something.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Demonic Pressures

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo!
> 
> Just a small blurb of mine I’ve had sitting around, tweaking here and there. I’ve always had this inkling that at some point, Crowley begins to feel useless and like his job is meaningless. 
> 
> Looking at the world as it is lately, wouldn’t you feel the same as a demon? Looking at the number of deaths while I was writing this, I could just imagine the unsettling feeling he could have been having after the first 50 years of the century. Angst. Pure angst.

It was late, nearly eleven o’clock at night. St. James’ Park was to close in one hours time, but Crowley decided just maybe was above such rules. It was a mischievous thing to do, and would probably be the highlight of his century. A very dull century for him as a demon, which was a very odd thing to say, indeed.

As it was, 1952 had already been a dreadful year.

The nation was still grieving the death of the King earlier in the year, and coming terms with the rise of the new monarch. The Second World War had ended, Germany was split. There was unrest in Korea, in Vietnam, with human rights, most importantly within Crowley. 

Humans were taking his job into their own hands. Normally he’d be fine with a bit of mischief here and there. They were absolutely horrible to each other, he’d never see anything like it. Lying, cheating, stealing, hurting, killing… They were making demons look like they’d never fallen. He honestly never thought they would get this bad. Of course, the beginning of this century was atrocious, and it’d just been getting worse. All this because of that silly apple. Crowley placed a cigarette between his lips, leaning back on the bench. He brought a finger up, willing it to flame at the tip as he lit the tobacco.

“Those things could kill you.”

Crowley glanced over in the dark of the park and saw Aziraphale. He was positively glowing in the light of the moon and the stars, hands held in front of him. He was a vision...

“Humans will kill me too, Angel, yet here I am.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“I insist.”

Aziraphale sat beside him in his usual seat, wiggling a tad to get comfortable.

Aziraphale, who thought every evil, damning thing that had happened throughout history was Crowley’s demonic work. 

Aziraphale, whose bright, innocent eyes and concept of good versus evil was similar to that of a small child.

Aziraphale, who could melt the demon's heart with simply a smile, or a touch on his arm.

“It’s quite late for you to be lurking.” Aziraphale started. 

“I’m not lurking, I’m…” Crowley waved the hand with his cigarette thoughtfully in the air, but then paused. What exactly  _ was _ he doing?

“Pondering?”

“Mm, sure, Angel. I’m pondering.” He agreed, taking another drag.

Pondering why Aziraphale thought he was such a horrid being. Why Aziraphale thought he was a worse being than these humans? Of course Crowley enjoyed causing small acts of mischief here and there. Untying a shoe, gluing a coin to the sidewalk… Things that would make him laugh. Severely low grade evil deeds. That was his speed. But Aziraphale… Aziraphale thought he started revolutions and wars, killed people and tempted them into horrendous acts.

“Crowley you’re…” Aziraphale’s head tilted to the side, giving Crowley’s ensemble a once over, “You're looking awfully grey.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well… Quite literally. Your clothing. I’ve noticed lately you’ve changed your suits from black to grey.” Aziraphale looked down at his hands, clasped in his lap, “Is there a reason behind that? Or just a fashion choice? I’m afraid I’m not very caught up with the...”

Aziraphale rambled on a bit about clothing and fashion choices of the decade, men and women alike. Crowley hadn’t noticed his clothing change. He hadn’t noticed much the past one hundred years. When he woke up in 1859 there was so much happening. His demonic heart shattered with the horrific events humans had come up with over the next century.

There were wars, famine, disease, and death. So much death. Seems the horsemen were hitting the ground running, especially War and Pestilence. Crowley lost count- there was one in America, and he heard Mexico… Then the big ones- One and Two that included the entire world. But the diseases that Pestilence was spreading- he thought they were going into an early retirement and wanted to go out with a bang. He heard from head office at one point a year or so back that they’d wiped out nearly two hundred  _ million _ people, just with War having such an easy time manipulating the humans. Pestilence, he heard, laughed at that when they wiped out one hundred million in only two years with their Spanish Influenza-

“Crowley?”

“Hm?” Crowley mumbled around his smoke. He didn’t even want it anymore. His thoughts were getting more depressing by the minute.

“I said, why did you ask me here?” Aziraphale turned his head to face him. Crowley looked forward, searching for the answer. Why  _ did _ he ask Aziraphale to come? 

“I guess I’ve been… I’m perplexed.” Crowley sighed. He flicked the ash off his smoke and looked up to the moon, “All my existence I’ve known what I’m supposed to do, where I should be. Aziraphale have you ever- I supposed you wouldn’t but… Remember when we were on the wall…”

“Like it was yesterday.”

“I thought giving the humans the apple could have been doing the right thing… Eating the apple, they got kicked out… That led them here.”

“The… The apple…?”

“ _ The _ apple, Aziraphale.  _ THE _ apple!”

“Yes, I know which apple you mean!” Aziraphale sighed, “What are you talking about though?”

“The deaths, Aziraphale. It’s… It's too much for me to handle.” Crowley rested his arms in his legs, leaning forward. He took one last drag and crushed his smoke out on the walkway before him, “What if they’re  _ meant  _ to be doomed?”

“Well they are. It’s the divine plan.” Aziraphale’s hands made a small motion in the air. 

“Forget the bloody plan! They’re going to kill themselves before that war happens. Hell, there won’t be a war the way they’re going. They’ll just… drop more of those death bombs on each other and get more diseases...”

“So then… What?”

“I don’t want…” Crowley found himself having a terrible time. He was trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say, what he wanted to be thinking. Aziraphale would understand. Right?

“Crowley tell me.”

Crowley leaned back, his golden eyes turning to meet blue. Crowley was confused, uncertain. Aziraphale’s eyes widened, he’d never seen Crowley in such a state, heard him so at a loss for words. There were quite a few cigarette butts on the ground before him, and he could swear there were dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, and certainly from stress.

“Aziraphale… We need to save them from themselves.” Crowley said, his voice shaking. Aziraphale could swear he had tears in his eyes. He’d never seen Crowley cry, not in almost six-thousand years. Not even over his car, his beautiful Bentley. He wasn’t sure that demons could cry- yet here he was. 

Aziraphale found it hard to be emotional over humans as a race. They’ve been dooming themselves since the beginning- Maybe that flaming sword  _ wasn’t _ the best idea, but it gave them a chance to survive. Besides, they  _ had _ invented quite remarkable objects over their existence. Aziraphale has owned his shop for one hundred fifty years, and was proud to have only sold- well, nothing in about one hundred years. But he loved human’s food, their wines, and their clothing. It was the divine plan. He was an Angel. He couldn’t possibly go against the plan. 

“We can’t… There’s nothing we can do, Crowley. We have to just-”

“I’ve been performing miracles, and blessings. At least one a day.” Crowley closed his eyes tightly, his brow furrowing together. It pained him to admit it. A demon. Once an Angel, fallen from grace to the sulfuric depths of hell. He should be damning the humans, pushing them into dark thoughts and chaotic actions. But no- He’d been  _ helping _ them. Healing them, creating peace and light within the discord they were harvesting amongst themselves.

“Crowley you… You can’t be performing blessings like that!” Aziraphale shouted, before lowering his voice, “That isn’t just some… arrangement blessing you’re covering for me! You don’t know how it will affect you. Besides, what if they were to find out? You’ve been neglecting your demonic duties and performing… Performing angelic miracles?”

“Well what if I don’t want to be a demon anymore, Aziraphale?” Crowley shouted.

Aziraphale jumped, leaning back.

“Crowley… What?”

Crowley’s hands clenched into fists and he took a breath.

“I… I don’t want to be a demon. I don’t want to… to damn the humans and allow their wars. I don’t want to do this anymore, Aziraphale. I just want to… I just want to retire. Just exist, with you, like we always have.” Crowley leaned back and looked up at the moon, “I slept for so long last century, and since I’ve awoken they’ve just damned themselves even further. I don’t even need to push them to do no good, they do it themselves. So why am I here? What is the  _ point _ , Aziraphale…” 

A single tear ran down Crowley’s cheek.

Aziraphale sat quietly and watched the struggle within him. A demon, the demon he’d known since the beginning of time itself. He was having an identity crisis. Aziraphale was shocked. Not a single word came to mind that he could use to comfort Crowley. A human he could handle. He could easily tell them ‘God bless you’, or ‘May you be at peace’. But a demon… How did one comfort a demon?

He lifted a hand and touched Crowley’s shoulder.

Crowley tensed and turned toward Aziraphale, eyes wet and wide. The slits in his eyes were thick, rounder and nearly human looking. They were… Beautiful. Aziraphale internally snapped himself out of that thought. Crowley was afraid… He was so afraid of what they could do to him if they found out his doubts. To doubt heaven was to fall. To doubt hell? There was nowhere left to go. This was the first time Crowley’d ever had this fear. 

Aziraphale moved closer to him on the bench and pulled him in, wrapping Crowley up in his arms. Crowley gasped and looked over Aziraphale’s shoulder, body tense. Aziraphale hugged him tightly, resting his chin on Crowley’s shoulder.

“Crowley… For so long I’ve hid myself away. I’ve sheltered myself in my shop, surrounded myself with my books. I’ve ignored you purposely. I’ve denied your needs, pushed away your feelings.” Aziraphale squeezed him closer, burying his nose into Crowley’s neck, “It’s two of us against billions of them. We can’t make that big of a difference, Crowley.”

“Why… Why do they do this to themselves?”

“It’s fear, Crowey. They fear what they do not understand, what they don’t know. They are afraid of their future, their children’s future… The future of the earth and those on it. But they are selfish, and afraid of each other so they fight, claw at one another for survival.”

“Aziraphale… I don’t want them to.”

“It’s not up to us anymore, Crowley. When it was the beginning, we had influence. Adam and Eve… We’re only here to keep an eye on one another now. There’s only us, Crowley. They’re on their own.”

Crowley lowered his head into Aziraphale’s shoulder and his arms finally came to squeeze him tightly. His body trembled at this realization. They were on their own. 

Aziraphale was placed on Earth for him.

“Azira... phale…”

“Heaven and Hell… They’ve left us on Earth for one another.”

Crowley pulled back from Aziraphale’s hold and swallowed.

“Aziraphale you’re… You can’t be certain… They hardly check up on us, they don’t care what we do. They’ve left us, forgotten about us…” 

“I’m certain of us.” Aziraphale swallowed. Oh he had bright, innocent eyes. His soft, chuberic face was so close to Crowley’s, their breaths were mingled together.

“What… What happens if I keep performing blessings… What do  _ you  _ think will happen to me?”

“What will happen if I cause a bit of chaos?”

“You could fall… Angel you could be damned.”

“Funny how an Angel can fall so easily… Shouldn’t a demon be given the chance to rise back to heaven?”

“Angel… ”

“I want to exist through the next century with you, Crowley.”

Crowley’s eyes darted over Aziraphale’s face and he could feel himself twitching. His mind was aching to understand what his existence meant, to finally have his questions answered. Aziraphale glanced down only a moment before catching golden eyes.

Their lips brushed together at the same time.

Crowley’s arms wrapped around Aziraphale’s neck, Aziraphale’s hands held Crowley’s waist. It was chaste, nothing more than a much needed brush of skin. Electricity passed between them, feelings and unsaid words poured into the brief touch. It was their first kiss- soft, gentle and sweet. They didn’t know yet, but it would be their first of many to come.

That kiss was a simple summary of their relationship. It was everything they had worked for over the past centuries. To be alone, to only be with one another. An Angel and a Demon, performing a simple act of love that could easily ruin them. Humans found their love illegal, and would throw them into a prison. Heaven and Hell would completely destroy them just for talking. None of them mattered though. 

Fuck them all.

It was closing in on Midnight and Crowley pressed his forehead against Aziraphale’s, a smile finally gracing his features. Aziraphale felt his cheeks flush a deep red and he laughed. Through the wars, through the turmoil of the human race and their uncertain place in the world… When it came down to it, there was only the Angel and the Demon against all of existence.

“That’s why I asked you… The holy water.”

“Crowley…” 

“I get it…”

“If something were to happen to you because of me… Crowley I don’t know how I’d carry on. How could I stay here on earth- no…” Aziraphale closed his eyes and shook his head, “I couldn’t exist at all knowing that I’d destroyed you. You’re my best friend…”

“You wouldn’t hurt me… It’s not for me, it’s insurance.”

“That’s not the  _ point _ , Crowley! If even a drop were to touch you. Even if the container were to leak. You’d be completely destroyed.”

Crowley moved away, his hands falling between them, “I can’t live in this world of fear, Angel.”

“Then let me protect you… I’ll smite down anyone who tries to come near you!”

“Angel… that’s certainly not what I was going for.”

Aziraphale’s eyes closed and he grasped Crowley’s hands between them, bringing them to his mouth, “Crowley, I’d do anything for you. I love you.”

“Don’t…” Crowley winced, trying to pull away. Aziraphale only held on tighter.

“I do, Crowley you daft demon. That’s why I won’t see you hurt, or dissolved with holy water, or… I just can’t stand to see you like this…” Aziraphale leaned in toward his lips again, but Crowley leaned away.

“Don’t… Demons cannot be loved.” Crowley turned away as if ashamed.

“You can… I can love you. I’ve always loved you.” 

Crowley turned his face back to Aziraphale. He felt a tear run down his cheek, eyes searching Aziraphale’s face. The centuries, the times that they had spent together he loved him then? Mesopotamia? Greece? France? Even ten years ago during the blitz. Aziraphale… Always so sweet, so kind. Crowley’s chest tightened. He deserved better.

“I have to go.” Crowley stood, slipping sunglasses on to hide the rest of his tears.

“Crowley?”

Aziraphale watched as Crowley turned, shooting a sideways glance to Aziraphale.

“I’ll see you around, Angel.” Crowley lit a cigarette and started walking away, “Park closes at 12… Don't get caught here after hours, Angel.”

Aziraphale watched Crowley saunter away until he was out of view. He then sat back into the bench, looking up to the moon. His hands clasped in front of his stomach. Aziraphale looked up to the moon and let out a defeated sigh. His feelings were put out, shot down immediately. It hurt, but Aziraphale wouldn’t show it. His thoughts were still on Crowley. He was scared- no, worse. Petrified of being caught feeling anything it seemed. As much as his heart hurt with rejection, Crowley staying in his life was more important. He knew what he had to do.

Roughly ten years later, Crowley would enter his car, Aziraphale using a miracle to appear next to him. He’d be given a thermos of Holy Water that Aziraphale had set aside for over a decade, ensuring that no water droplets were on the outside. 

Crowley would finally try to return his feelings… Would offer Aziraphale a lift.

Aziraphale would show him just how hard it hurt him when Crowley pushed him away.

He was always thinking ahead, to the next step, to the future. What would need to be done to protect them, where are we off to, what comes next? Aziraphale couldn’t keep that pace. Aziraphale was here, and now. He clung to his precious tomes of the past, holding on to the moments that he had here, now on Earth. How could he think of shielding himself from Demons or other Angels? How could he think they could race off together back to Crowley’s flat, stay up all night holding one another? Aziraphale couldn’t see past the next five minutes. Crowley could see the next five hundred years.

“You go too fast for me, Crowley…” Aziraphale sighed, hoping he got his point across. He wasn’t sure it made much sense, but seeing that confusion in Crowley’s eye. He nodded to the demon, before getting out of the car and miracling himself home.

Crowley stared at the thermos and knew, without a shadow of a doubt, he’d be locking this in a safe, and sobbing into a glass of whisky later.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, angst and a kiss.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome!
> 
> Find me on IG as @mrsmoosie35 💜


End file.
